Sick of Trying

Here I am complaining again. Sorry blogging world, I just need to complain to someone, and my family is sick and tired of listening to it.

I just want to cry. I feel like I've gained a million pounds, and I hate myself for it. Knowing what I know now, I want to go back to high school. Go back to swimming my guts out, and actually eating right. And knowing what I know now to help me from gaining weight the summer after my senior year, so that I could actually be happy with myself.

Wait, that's a lie. I wasn't happy with myself in high school, and I'm definitely not happy with myself now. I'm so tired of trying, and trying, and trying some more. And each and every time failing, harder and faster than the time before. I just can never make any headway, which makes me frustrated.

I am stuck in this vicous cycle that I just can't seem to break. I just feel broken and worthless. I bet I have failed more in my life just from the many attempts to lose weight, than I have at anything else. Which... In turn makes me feel even more broken and worthless. I'm just sick and tired of trying and nothing happening.

Okay, sorry, enough of my complaining.