So I did it. The last time I asked a boy this, I got over him faster. Problem solved.
What did I ask him? If there was any possibility of a future. He said No. And I said.. Okay, that's what I needed to hear. Now all flames of hope have been extinguished, and my heart can move on.
He taught me a lot of things, and helped make me a better person. That's the best I could ask for.
Oddly enough, I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. I know he means it, yet I'm okay with it. Maybe it will hit me tomorrow, maybe it won't come at all. All I know is it's over. Seven years of wondering, put to rest.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I'm a Loser
So... I need someone to vent to, and well, writing always helps so that is how I ended up here.
I have been writing this kid for his entire mission. He asked me to when he first left, and we were good enough friends that I, of course, said yes. That was my first mistake. Did I mention I've liked this kid nearly all of my life? What on earth did I get myself into?
Well, now he is home, and we haven't talked yet. Every single one of his letters told me how glad he was that I was writing him. He was so thankful for our friendship. What's a girl to think? *sigh* Of course I got sucked in, with his charm, his knowledge of the gospel, the fact that he has every quality I want in a husband, and I know him quite well. I told myself I wouldn't let this happen. Yet here I am, placed on his backburner, and forgotten about.
Of course, there is a Beatles song for everything... So here it is. "I'm a Loser"
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Of all the love I have won or have lost
there is one love I should never have crossed
She [he] was a girl [boy] in a million, my friend
I should have known she [he] would win in the end
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky
Is it for her [him] or myself that I cry
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
I have been writing this kid for his entire mission. He asked me to when he first left, and we were good enough friends that I, of course, said yes. That was my first mistake. Did I mention I've liked this kid nearly all of my life? What on earth did I get myself into?
Well, now he is home, and we haven't talked yet. Every single one of his letters told me how glad he was that I was writing him. He was so thankful for our friendship. What's a girl to think? *sigh* Of course I got sucked in, with his charm, his knowledge of the gospel, the fact that he has every quality I want in a husband, and I know him quite well. I told myself I wouldn't let this happen. Yet here I am, placed on his backburner, and forgotten about.
Of course, there is a Beatles song for everything... So here it is. "I'm a Loser"
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Of all the love I have won or have lost
there is one love I should never have crossed
She [he] was a girl [boy] in a million, my friend
I should have known she [he] would win in the end
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky
Is it for her [him] or myself that I cry
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Friday, February 25, 2011
New Title
So... I decided that A Day in the Life was getting old, and I've decided that this journey I'm on is more of a long and winding road.
Of which, both of these titles are Beatles songs, so I'm still staying true to my love of the Beatles. :)
And now, The Long and Winding Road
The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to your door.
The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day.
Why leave me standing here?
Let me know the way.
Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried,
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried.
And still they lead me back
To the long, winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door.
But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago (ohhh)
Don't keep me waiting here (don't keep me waiting)
Lead me to your door. (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Of which, both of these titles are Beatles songs, so I'm still staying true to my love of the Beatles. :)
And now, The Long and Winding Road
The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to your door.
The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day.
Why leave me standing here?
Let me know the way.
Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried,
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried.
And still they lead me back
To the long, winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door.
But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago (ohhh)
Don't keep me waiting here (don't keep me waiting)
Lead me to your door. (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
He Is We
My friend has introduced me to a new band. And I really like them a lot. If you've never heard of them, you better look them up. They're pretty good. The band is called "He Is We".
This is their song, "Happily Ever After"
Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.
About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.
Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.
And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.
Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.
In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.
Let's give it a shot.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
Whether we whisper or yell.
We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.
We all have a story to tell.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
This is their song, "Happily Ever After"
Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.
About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.
Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.
And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.
Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.
In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.
Let's give it a shot.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
Whether we whisper or yell.
We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.
We all have a story to tell.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I'm So Lucky!
WELCOME TO THE WORLD TIMOTHY DONALD!!!!
Yes, I have a new nephew, and he is he cutest thing on this planet... Except for maybe his siblings (and Thomas); he definitely comes from a cute family. :) He was born February 17th at 3:17 in the morning. He is 8 lbs 2 oz and 22 inches long! I am so excited for him to be part of their family, and in turn, my family.
Yes, I have a new nephew, and he is he cutest thing on this planet... Except for maybe his siblings (and Thomas); he definitely comes from a cute family. :) He was born February 17th at 3:17 in the morning. He is 8 lbs 2 oz and 22 inches long! I am so excited for him to be part of their family, and in turn, my family.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
School, Work, and Sleep
Well, it's kind of been a boring week.
Nothing much has been going on; just doing the usual school, work, and sleep.
I need to go to the library again, and I need some good books to read, any ideas?
Nothing much has been going on; just doing the usual school, work, and sleep.
I need to go to the library again, and I need some good books to read, any ideas?
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day!
These are the roses Dad gave me for Valentine's Day. I am so lucky to have such a great Dad. He thought of me this Valentine's Day... Sorry Mom! :) He's so great, I am so grateful for the opportunity I was able to have to spend the weekend with him. I love you Dad!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Be Strong and of a Good Courage
Tonight I was on the giving end of advice and strength and courage. This just increased my testimony ever so slightly of the love our Heavenly Father has for me and everyone else. He is rooting for us, and He is always encouraging us to be better than what we think we can be.
"The thermostat on the furnace of affliction will not have been set too high for us--though clearly we may think so at the time. Our God is a refining God who has been tempering soul-steel for a very long time. He knows when the right edge has been put upon our excellence and also when there is more in us than we have yet given." -- Elder Neal A. Maxwell
This is a quote we learned in my Old Testament Institute class. Reminds me of the process of trials, and we we are on this earth. Our God IS a refining God and He will keep allowing us trials to help us become better and stronger. He loves us. Keep trying, and keep fighting. He will fight with us.
"The thermostat on the furnace of affliction will not have been set too high for us--though clearly we may think so at the time. Our God is a refining God who has been tempering soul-steel for a very long time. He knows when the right edge has been put upon our excellence and also when there is more in us than we have yet given." -- Elder Neal A. Maxwell
This is a quote we learned in my Old Testament Institute class. Reminds me of the process of trials, and we we are on this earth. Our God IS a refining God and He will keep allowing us trials to help us become better and stronger. He loves us. Keep trying, and keep fighting. He will fight with us.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Beatlemania
It was 47 years ago today, the Beatles first landed in America. Their song, "I Want to Hold Your Hand" was number one. As well as "I Saw Her Standing There", "She Loves You", "Please Please Me", and "Twist and Shout".
No other music group has had the same success as the Beatles. They are the only band to hold the top 5 slots in the music charts at one time.
Oh how I love them. They changed the way the world views music. They are the greatest!
No other music group has had the same success as the Beatles. They are the only band to hold the top 5 slots in the music charts at one time.
Oh how I love them. They changed the way the world views music. They are the greatest!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Testimony is Power
So, I love church. I absolutely love going to church. I feelllllllll amazing when I go, and I'm always spiritually fed. It's great.
Our fast and testimony was great. Many people bore their testimony on the Book of Mormon. I'd like to add to theirs. The Book of Mormon is true. Not only is it true, but it's real. It's a real documentation of the Nephites and Lamanites. It was written for our day, and each time I read it, it tells me something different, and what I needed at the specific time in my life. If you looked at my Book of Mormon, you'd see that it has been read several times and marked in different colors for the different times I've read it, and it means everything to me.
Then in Relief Society, we talked about creating our profile on Mormon.org. The number was given out that it has over 50,000 profiles on it since 2001. Their goal is to raise the number to 100,000. So if you haven't created a profile, do so now. Your testimony is the most important thing to give to someone else, why not share it? After we talked about that, we listened to a CD of several past [and present] Prophets and Apostles share their testimony of the Savior and His Atonement. Oh it was powerful, and the Spirit was definitely there. I quite enjoyed it, and again, make a profile on Mormon.org. You could change someone's life for the better.
Our fast and testimony was great. Many people bore their testimony on the Book of Mormon. I'd like to add to theirs. The Book of Mormon is true. Not only is it true, but it's real. It's a real documentation of the Nephites and Lamanites. It was written for our day, and each time I read it, it tells me something different, and what I needed at the specific time in my life. If you looked at my Book of Mormon, you'd see that it has been read several times and marked in different colors for the different times I've read it, and it means everything to me.
Then in Relief Society, we talked about creating our profile on Mormon.org. The number was given out that it has over 50,000 profiles on it since 2001. Their goal is to raise the number to 100,000. So if you haven't created a profile, do so now. Your testimony is the most important thing to give to someone else, why not share it? After we talked about that, we listened to a CD of several past [and present] Prophets and Apostles share their testimony of the Savior and His Atonement. Oh it was powerful, and the Spirit was definitely there. I quite enjoyed it, and again, make a profile on Mormon.org. You could change someone's life for the better.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Influence
October 10, 2010 is the date I started this blog. It is now February 3, 2011 and I was looking back at my Stats. I have had over 800 people look at my blog. I hope I have helped someone in some way. I have born my testimony several times, and have shared my struggles. I hope I have encouraged someone to be better.
So I went to the Psychologist Center today, and they put me on a waiting list of two weeks. The secretary said that they review the patients every Wednesday, and see if they need to move people up. I said that I was okay to be on the waiting list, but I am kinda hoping that it is earlier than two weeks.
I feel with my realization of the Atonement in my life, this time the therapy and help will "stick" and I will be able to have better self control and finally beat this.
I'm worried about the rest of my life. If this is going to be a life long battle, am I going to have to go to therapy for the rest of my life? How do people go to therapy and change? I thought I was doing really well, and changing, and here I am back at square one. I am no stranger to hard work, and I can do it, but when it comes to success, why do I quit? You'd think that if you see the results you want that you would be more motivated to continue on and keep being successful. Not me. For some reason, I don't do that. And I need to find out why.
So I went to the Psychologist Center today, and they put me on a waiting list of two weeks. The secretary said that they review the patients every Wednesday, and see if they need to move people up. I said that I was okay to be on the waiting list, but I am kinda hoping that it is earlier than two weeks.
I feel with my realization of the Atonement in my life, this time the therapy and help will "stick" and I will be able to have better self control and finally beat this.
I'm worried about the rest of my life. If this is going to be a life long battle, am I going to have to go to therapy for the rest of my life? How do people go to therapy and change? I thought I was doing really well, and changing, and here I am back at square one. I am no stranger to hard work, and I can do it, but when it comes to success, why do I quit? You'd think that if you see the results you want that you would be more motivated to continue on and keep being successful. Not me. For some reason, I don't do that. And I need to find out why.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Wise Sister
So, not only do I have a wise friend, I have a wise sister, whom I'm very grateful.
She asked me how I got good at swimming.
I told her I just did it. And I had someone always yelling at me.
She said, "No, you practice. And with practice you will always screw up until you get it right."
Yes Jo, that's what mistakes are for, to help us learn and grow from. Only if that's how we take them. I will take my mistakes, and learn from them. So I can be better than yesterday, better than today. And keep going until I have past this.
Tomorrow I'm going to the school pyschologist. Wish me luck!
She asked me how I got good at swimming.
I told her I just did it. And I had someone always yelling at me.
She said, "No, you practice. And with practice you will always screw up until you get it right."
Yes Jo, that's what mistakes are for, to help us learn and grow from. Only if that's how we take them. I will take my mistakes, and learn from them. So I can be better than yesterday, better than today. And keep going until I have past this.
Tomorrow I'm going to the school pyschologist. Wish me luck!
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