One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Does it ever feel like when you're trying to accomplish something extremely hard, and whenever you do something right, you end up taking two steps back? I do. And I hate it. As I work on this goal to beat this eating disorder, I make progress, and I take a step forward. And then, WHABAM! I'm pushed two steps back.

I'm sitting here thinking about this constant struggle within my head, a thought comes into my head, "You are no better than the people of the Old Testament and the Book of Mormon." Time and time again have I been given answers to my prayers. Found answers in the scriptures, and have countless spiritual experiences, and, like I said, make progress. Then, I'm fall flat on my butt trying to start all over again. Constantly the people in the Old Testatment and Book of Mormon are reminded of the Lord and all He has done for them. Yet they manage to fall right back into temptation and sin.

How am I any different? I always think to myself, "How can they be so stupid? Clearly the Lord is there and willing to help, but they find it too easy to live in sin." Again, how am I any different? Clearly the Lord is there and willing to help, but I find it too easy to go back to my addiction and be as I was before. "God has entrusted me with myself"... and I'm failing Him. I'm failing myself, and I'm failing all those who love me.

Why is it so hard? You'd think trying to do the right thing, it would be easy. So why am I having such a hard time with this? I'm becoming lazy, and that is not okay. Just like the people of the Old Testament and Book of Mormon, laziness is not good. "This is a time when we have to choose between that which is right, and that which is easy." -- Professor Dumbledore I've alreayd posted this quote once before in one of my blogs, but I decided I needed it again. Easy is having an addiction. What's right is overcoming that addiction, and doing all I can to conquer it.

Doctrine and Covenants 6:22-23
This is my favorite scripture, it reminds me what I have been given. "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" He has told me. And I need to remember. He has spoken peace to my heart concerning the matter. I need to trust in Him.